Functional Relationships

Functional relationships... what every gal wants and too many find frustratingly impossible to achieve. Why is dating so complicated? So lets talk about what you need to have and avoid to maintain a functional relationship.

First off, you actually need to be attracted to your significant other. You may be thinking- Duh, thats obvious. But what about all of the Debbie desperates out there trying to convince themselves that their zero is a hero. In other news- I'm quitting blogging to become a poet.

Seriously though, its okay to let Debbie slip out every once in awhile- but don't let her run rampant. What I mean is, don't jump into a relationship with just any old Joe that comes along, even if you are not all that attracted to him. 'Giving it time' to let the attraction build is just another way for saying that you have to talk yourself into being attracted to your man just because you are afraid nothing else will come along for awhile. Not cool, Missy.

Second, you are going to need to learn how to trust. If you trust someone you will not act like a crazy bia. You will not hack into his facebook- no matter how tempting it may be. And you surely are not scrolling through his texts as soon as he jumps in the shower. Because.. do you know what you will find in there? Nothing good. Nada.

If he has no messages from the opposite sex you are going to be disappointed that your man isn't Mr. Mysterious and desired by ladies everywhere. And if there are texts from females- even if they are totally innocent like, "hey jackass let me borrow your homework" or "thanks for stealing my lunch out of the fridge in the break room, asshole"- you are going to freak. You are. Because the written word can pretty much be interpreted in any way that your crazy little brain wants to see it. And you are going to assume that by 'asshole'- the stupid bimbo he works with meant 'guy that looks really sexy fumbling with the fax machine'. And hey, it's not your fault.. all of us women are a little nuts. We are entitled to be, seeing as how we have to bleed from our loins and push hysterical little people out of our happy places.

The next unattractive behavior you are going to avoid to maintain a functional and healthy relationship is- you are not going to try to control your significant other. We only try to control others when we are over compensating for feeling very out of control ourselves. Trying to control a man only pushes him to do the exact opposite of what you are forcing upon him- therefore furthering the problem.

For example, if your boyfriend is talking to his ex- tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and upset, and that you would really prefer, for your sanity, that he discontinue this behavior. Do not flip out and immediately start screaming that he is never to speak to her again or that he must choose either you or her. And certainly do not initiate this little disagreement at two in the morning, armed with a little liquid courage. Try to be as reasonable as possible- even though at times, this requires almost super-human amounts of self control.

If you behave like the controlling ball and chain, I guarantee the second you are out of earshot, your boy is calling the female-in-question up to complain about what an unreasonable psychopath his girlfriend is. Is that 'right' or nice or fair? No sirree. But by behaving in that manner you just made her seem like the "cool", level-headed girl... and you just went down a few attraction points in his eyes. No one wants to be pushed around- especially not men. They are hard-wired to be the alpha and to be 'manly'.. so he doesn't want his lady friend to strip him of his manhood.

OK so lets review- no controlling or untrusting behaviors. And convincing yourself to feel that 'loving feeling' for a man is not a healthy behavior on the road to building a functional relationship. Keep these things in mind to get a little less crazy and a little more healthy from your relationships.