Dating Dillemmas: What Kills Attraction

Dating is complicated.. Duh, but there are some things that kill attraction faster than you can say "Don't leave me..." Just kidding, Don't ever say that. Since I so kindly picked on men and their irresistible self-advertising skills last time, I will now to shed some light on the equally charming things that women do to squeeze the attraction right out of a relationship.

Let me start by saying that attraction is a funny thing- it's really the key to a blissful romantic relationship, without it- ya just got yourself a buddy (or worst case scenario- a frenemy). You can't fake it, and you can't truly control it- but you certainly can kill it. And we women are terrific at doing so and then wondering (i.e complaining to everyone within earshot) how it occurred. The main three things that we do to drive our boyfriends or husbands to crazy-town are smothering them, complaining, and just being a bitch. Sorry- tough love.

Let's start with smothering. I'm not talking about the girl that meets a guy then follows him bar to bar calling his cell phone to check up on him, all the while making sure their love fern hasn't died. These special gals give the rest of us a bad name- if this is you, I can't help you, you need help beyond my expertise. What I am referring to are the girls that chase after the man they want. Traditionally, the man courted the woman- won her, if you will. It was done this way because men love the thrill of the chase, and for the most part women love to be chased. In most successful relationships the man not only chases after the women in the beginning, but also throughout the whole relationship. Really ladies, how many women do you know who called their husbands first or asked him out? None? Oh surprising.. not.

While it's fine to drop hints that you're into him, don't ask him out. Don't call him first- actually don't call him much at all, let him call you. Don't play hard to get-just don't pursue him. And even when you are in a monogamous relationship, still let him primarily do most of the pursuing. That means don't text him every three minutes when he's out with the guys- give him space. And as much space as he wants- you're a busy girl, I'm sure you don't NEED a man to fill your schedule. If you aren't spending as much time together as you would like, don't try to guilt or force him to spend more time with you. Accept that he spends his time as he pleases- if it is not pleasing to you- then leave. There will be a man that is on the same page as you- of course missy, you're fabulous. Keep in mind, that if you guilted your man into spending more time with you, he will see that as smothering, desperate, and unattractive. And you are anything but desperate- as if, right?



Now let's set the complainers straight. If you are just so frustrated you have to vent before you set out on a homocidal rampage, then call your mom, complain to your girlfriends, write an angry letter, do anything except complain to your man. Do you remember how Charlie Brown's parents sounded when they spoke- to your boyfriend, you sound just like that. Expect high pitched.. it hurts his head, so just stop. Women love to complain- about almost everything. We don't even mean it in a bad way, it's just a way we communicate- but it's like a language that only other women understand, so leave the poor dude out.

Ladies, ESPECIALLY do not complain about your man- to your man. This is not effective. This turns you from a sexy siren he can't wait to hop into bed with into the wicked witch of the west, warts and all. If your boyfriend drops the ball on your birthday; loudly complaining about every little thing he does thereafter until he finally figures out the issue and makes it up to you, is not efficient communicating. Yet we do it all the time. If your boyfriend does something to anger/dissapoint you, then tell him point blank what he did and how it made you feel. Then cool off and let him process that information in his own way. If you really NEED an apology or for him to make it up to you and he does not deliver on his own, then you need to reconsider the relationship.. not nag until you drive him insane. So stop complaining that he made a mess, his shirt is wrinkly, you don't like his driving/mother/taste in music. Unless you are teasing him in a cute way.. then it just isn't cute or attractive. To anyone really.


Finally, being a bitch... why we girls need to put away our claws. Think about the kind of man you are attracted to: kind, sweet, generous. Now think about how you appear when you gossip about a friend, or yell at a waiter, or turn on the road rage. Kind, sweet, and generous are not exactly coming to mind are they?

In the early stages of a relationship, we are all on our best behavior. And then we ease into the comfort zone, and all of a sudden a man has a raging bi-otch on his hands. And of course he feels duped- how did that sweet angel turn into a diva from the Jersey Shore? It's not sexy to witness your sigificant other behave any way other than the kind person that you know they are deep down. Yes, everyone has their moments- that's why they are called 'moments'.. because they should be few and far between. No one wants to date a bitch, talk about a mojo annhiliator.

So what did we learn? Don't be such a bia, stop the complaining, and no love ferns. Oh, I meant smothering. So let's stop sucking the attraction from our dates, shall we?