Dating Application

Has anyone else ever really wished that they could just had out Dating Applications? I think it would make the whole 'Dating Game' a lot simpler.

I'm one hundred percent serious.

These are questions I would ask:

-Do you have any illegitimate children? (This will not disqualify you as a potential mate- though, not knowing your children's name, ages, or when the child support payment is due- is grounds for immediate dismissal.)

-Do you have any Baby Mama Drama? Please Explain.

-Do you have any borderline insane ex-girlfriends that will continue to pop up and cause drama of catastrophic proportions throughout our relationship?

-Are you dragging invisible baggage behind you that is threatening to smother me at my most vulnerable.

-Do you know the difference between there, their, and they're?

-What about Who and Whom? No? That's cool.. neither do I.

-Does your phone automatically stop working as soon as you cross state lines? Does this also tend to happen anytime you are in close proximity to your male 'buddies'?

-Are you allergic to expressing any and all emotion? Is it cool if I have emotions?

-Are you of the special breed of drunk that believes that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen?

-Are you planning on ceasing all grooming efforts towards your appearance the second we are in a relationship? This includes, but is not limited to: gaining copious amounts of weight or body hair, infrequently showering, and refusing to wash garments until they start emitting noxious odors.

-Have you ever been fired for drinking on the job?

-Have you ever been in jail. If so, how many times and for what duration? This unfortunately, on my part, is also not necessarily grounds for disqualification.

-Do you consistently pick fights with bigger/large groups of men?

-Do you have to wake up before 9:00? If so, are you capable of being super-duper-freaking quiet so that I do not wake up and am forced to inflict bodily harm upon you?

-Do you think my friends are cute? Do you still think my friends are cute when they are in large groups and drinking? You are required to like them and be a gentlemen at all times or suffer the consequences. Is that okay?

-Same goes for my family. Hope you don't mind.

-My ears are actually very sensitive and I absolutely cannot listen to music that is not wholly enjoyable for me. Is that a problem?

This is why I am single. Furreal.

Dating: How Men and Women Differ When it Comes to Commitment

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This is obviously an exaggeration- but how much of a stretch is it really?

When it comes to commitment, men and women are worlds apart. Totally different. Which is frustrating and oh-so freaking annoying- which is why I'll help clear it up for you.

When it comes to making a commitment in a relationship, what matters for women is WHO they are committing to. A woman can be working her way up the corporate ladder, moving cities, and dealing with family problems all at the same time- but if the right man comes into her life, she will be willing to make time for a committed relationship with him. That is just how women are. Which is awesome- we know how important love and relationships are to our well-being and happiness.

But for men- they have to be ready and at the right point in their lives to make a commitment to a relationship. They are all about WHEN. Even if a man meets Ms. Wonderful- the most beautiful, exciting woman he has ever met- if he is in a bad place in his career, having family or personal issues, you can bet your bottom dollar he won't be making any sort of big commitments to her. Which is awesome in it's own right too- because this generally ensures that a man will be in a good place personally before he really brings another person into his world.

It seems, though, that almost every woman has been in a relationship with a man she is just crazy about- and can not understand for the life of her, why he will not make the kind of commitment she is looking for... whether that be moving in together, marriage, or simply monogamy. Or worse, you get out of a relationship with Mr. Commitment-Phobe.. and then a year later, he gets engaged. WTF.

But it's all about timing baby- it ain't you. What you really need to figure out is if Mr. Right REALLY is the right one for you... and how long you are willing to wait to find out.

Thanks for reading, Good luck and Happy Dating! :)

Men Who Struggle with Attraction and Dating... Turn to Pick up Artists for Help?!?

Okay.

Okay, I'm at a loss here.

I don't even know what to say, and believe me, this does not happen often. Some men just are not good with women, aren't smoooooth operators and just don't understand attraction and the dating game. We all know this- even know many men who fall into these categories.

But what the bloody hell is this underground 'Pick-up Artist' community?! I mean, I've seen the show.. but I did not realize that there was some kind of cult following. I would never have thought that people actually emulated this guy- he looks like a slimy, borderline creepster, chronic masturbator for God sakes! If he approached me in a bar, I would be looking around for help, while hoping that this dude isn't planning on kidnapping me and wearing my skin.

Anyway enough with making fun of that lovely individual- he does help men build confidence, and for that I must give him props. But this PUA community really gives me the creeps. I stumbled upon a message board online and after reading through a bit of it, I immediately starting racking my brain questioning every male interaction I have ever had. Were they just trying to 'pick me up'? Were they doing some little act that they learned from a blinged-out, man in makeup?

Seriously, these guys not only have their own little language going, but they basically have 'picking up' women down to a step-by-step science. What happened to just meeting someone and letting the attraction unfold organically? Is it even real if it was all contrived by a man diabolically messing with our minds in some plot to make us fall for him?

I'm really bothered by the fact that there are so many guys that are so obsessed with validating themselves by testing whether they can manipulate a woman into falling in love with him. And it IS manipulation. Lines and acts may increase the attraction a woman may feel in the very beginning- but she is going to be very disappointed when she realizes that she fell for an act. Because you can't keep up an act forever. And why would you even want to?

We all deserve relationships where we are loved and valued for who we are. Not some act. Not what you can buy someone. While it is great to build your confidence and charisma- it's just odd to want to try to build a relationship on some method that a so-called Pick up Artist taught you.

Boys, boys, boys.. when will you ever learn.

Well that's all for my dating rant for the day, Google 'pick up artists', for an amusing and enlightening time-killer.

Dating- It's the First Date.. Who should pay?

Well, you've got a first date tonight- you're anxious, nervous, and excited.. but you're wondering- Who should foot the bill?

Who doesn't wonder this on first dates? Women are more independent than ever and men get nervous that they may offend their feminist crush by trying to pick up the tab. Because we are all equal, right? Wrong. Well, actually we are, just not when it comes to paying for first dates.

Dudes, I'm sorry- it probably sucks, but you should pay if you want to go out with her again. Even if you are not exactly made of money at the moment. Yes, you should probably pay even if she asked you out.

And here's why: Because she is going to feel negatively if you don't, she may feel so negatively that she won't be attracted to you enough to want to go out with you again. Yes, it's traditional that a man should pay for the first date (and some people scoff at tradition), but it's a tradition that all women grew up hearing and are now accustomed to. So if a man doesn't pay on the first date the women is automatically going to assume the he either is not all that attracted to her, he is cheap, and that if she were to get into a relationship with him, he may be detrimental to her bank account because she may have to end up supporting his ass. Are any of these things necessarily true or fair or "right"... No. But those are going to be the gut feelings within a women that just shelled out on the first stepping stone to building a relationship.

Now for the tricky part- the woman is probably going to offer to pay or split the bill. This is her being a courteous, independent, wonderful woman- it doesn't mean she really wants to pay for or split the bill. So tell her no, you would be delighted to treat her, even if you are really thinking that you would appreciate her picking up the tab so you can buy the new Call of Duty game. If she is absolutely adamant about paying, well hell, let her- then go buy your video game sir.

Okay ladies, this is for you. Please do not run off to the bathroom when you see the waiter approaching the table, bill in hand, out of the corner of your eye. You are not fooling anyone. The fellow sitting across from you knows that the urge to pee has not just hit you so violently that you need to sprint to the Ladies Room. I realize that you don't want to pay and that this part of a date is a bit awkward. But imagine how awkward it would be if when you got back from powdering your nose- the bill was still there, waiting for you. I mean, what do you say then? Like, "So, did you want to split the bill or something, or what exactly is THAT THING still doing here?"- is not exactly lady-like.

I agree, you shouldn't pay. I almost think its rude if a man asks you out and then DOESN'T pay. ..Mixed signals much? But if he doesn't confidently and smoothly swoop the up the bill as it comes, then at least offer. If he lets you and you harbor negative feelings about it- then follow your gut, and don't go out with him again. Even if you are a feminist or very independent- I think you should let him pay for the first date. If not for anything else, just to show that he is a reliable and strong man, capable of being a rock when you need one. And we ALL need one sometimes.. even the very toughest of us.

If you feel uncomfortable because he spent a lot of money on you. Well ask yourself, did he pick the restaurant? If it was expensive, then he probably chose it to impress you. Go ahead and feel spoiled.. nice isn't it? If you still feel uncomfortable about it, then offer to pay for an after-dinner cocktail or coffee. He may take you up on it, he may not. Paying for something like that, I think is fair. It will show him you like him and that you aren't just along for a free ride. Keep in mind, some men will not let you pay for anything for first few times you go out- enjoy it. Just don't start taking that for granted.. after the first couple of dates, you gals should be contributing something.

Now, get out there and enjoy yourself. There is much attraction and many first dates to be had!

Dating Dillemmas: What Kills Attraction

Dating is complicated.. Duh, but there are some things that kill attraction faster than you can say "Don't leave me..." Just kidding, Don't ever say that. Since I so kindly picked on men and their irresistible self-advertising skills last time, I will now to shed some light on the equally charming things that women do to squeeze the attraction right out of a relationship.

Let me start by saying that attraction is a funny thing- it's really the key to a blissful romantic relationship, without it- ya just got yourself a buddy (or worst case scenario- a frenemy). You can't fake it, and you can't truly control it- but you certainly can kill it. And we women are terrific at doing so and then wondering (i.e complaining to everyone within earshot) how it occurred. The main three things that we do to drive our boyfriends or husbands to crazy-town are smothering them, complaining, and just being a bitch. Sorry- tough love.

Let's start with smothering. I'm not talking about the girl that meets a guy then follows him bar to bar calling his cell phone to check up on him, all the while making sure their love fern hasn't died. These special gals give the rest of us a bad name- if this is you, I can't help you, you need help beyond my expertise. What I am referring to are the girls that chase after the man they want. Traditionally, the man courted the woman- won her, if you will. It was done this way because men love the thrill of the chase, and for the most part women love to be chased. In most successful relationships the man not only chases after the women in the beginning, but also throughout the whole relationship. Really ladies, how many women do you know who called their husbands first or asked him out? None? Oh surprising.. not.

While it's fine to drop hints that you're into him, don't ask him out. Don't call him first- actually don't call him much at all, let him call you. Don't play hard to get-just don't pursue him. And even when you are in a monogamous relationship, still let him primarily do most of the pursuing. That means don't text him every three minutes when he's out with the guys- give him space. And as much space as he wants- you're a busy girl, I'm sure you don't NEED a man to fill your schedule. If you aren't spending as much time together as you would like, don't try to guilt or force him to spend more time with you. Accept that he spends his time as he pleases- if it is not pleasing to you- then leave. There will be a man that is on the same page as you- of course missy, you're fabulous. Keep in mind, that if you guilted your man into spending more time with you, he will see that as smothering, desperate, and unattractive. And you are anything but desperate- as if, right?



Now let's set the complainers straight. If you are just so frustrated you have to vent before you set out on a homocidal rampage, then call your mom, complain to your girlfriends, write an angry letter, do anything except complain to your man. Do you remember how Charlie Brown's parents sounded when they spoke- to your boyfriend, you sound just like that. Expect high pitched.. it hurts his head, so just stop. Women love to complain- about almost everything. We don't even mean it in a bad way, it's just a way we communicate- but it's like a language that only other women understand, so leave the poor dude out.

Ladies, ESPECIALLY do not complain about your man- to your man. This is not effective. This turns you from a sexy siren he can't wait to hop into bed with into the wicked witch of the west, warts and all. If your boyfriend drops the ball on your birthday; loudly complaining about every little thing he does thereafter until he finally figures out the issue and makes it up to you, is not efficient communicating. Yet we do it all the time. If your boyfriend does something to anger/dissapoint you, then tell him point blank what he did and how it made you feel. Then cool off and let him process that information in his own way. If you really NEED an apology or for him to make it up to you and he does not deliver on his own, then you need to reconsider the relationship.. not nag until you drive him insane. So stop complaining that he made a mess, his shirt is wrinkly, you don't like his driving/mother/taste in music. Unless you are teasing him in a cute way.. then it just isn't cute or attractive. To anyone really.


Finally, being a bitch... why we girls need to put away our claws. Think about the kind of man you are attracted to: kind, sweet, generous. Now think about how you appear when you gossip about a friend, or yell at a waiter, or turn on the road rage. Kind, sweet, and generous are not exactly coming to mind are they?

In the early stages of a relationship, we are all on our best behavior. And then we ease into the comfort zone, and all of a sudden a man has a raging bi-otch on his hands. And of course he feels duped- how did that sweet angel turn into a diva from the Jersey Shore? It's not sexy to witness your sigificant other behave any way other than the kind person that you know they are deep down. Yes, everyone has their moments- that's why they are called 'moments'.. because they should be few and far between. No one wants to date a bitch, talk about a mojo annhiliator.

So what did we learn? Don't be such a bia, stop the complaining, and no love ferns. Oh, I meant smothering. So let's stop sucking the attraction from our dates, shall we?

Online Dating: Mistakes Men make in their Profiles Constantly

Internet Dating.. you know what kills attraction instantly, even through a computer screen? A really creepy profile. Or even a little creepy.

Men, if you even seem a little 'off' online, women are NOT going to meet you. We are all scared of being the next news story. What's sad though, is that a woman will see a certain profile or add and write the man off in a second, but a man will see the same profile- and think he sounds cool. Men are from Mars...

..Anyway, I have compiled a list of things we women reeeallly wish that men would stop posting (unless you really are a creep, which in that case keep doing so we can differentiate):

1) Your picture: While we get that you think hunting is fun, and you are super proud of that big buck you bagged- it really does not need to make it into your profile picture. Actually that's just a turn off and for some, a deal-breaker, so knock it off. In addition, if you are on a DATING site looking for DATING, we don't need to see most of your body parts. That includes, but is not limited to: faceless pictures of abs, tattoos, and PLEASE no penis pics. Really. It's just scary.

2) Grammar: No Chatspeak. While I may be impressed that you know how to make a heart using symbols, I would like to also know that you can spell out three letter words. Generally we women would like to think of the man we are dating as intelligent. Intelligence is very attractive. Typing lik dys, cuz ur jus cool like dat.. not so much.

3) Expectations: I know you want to find the woman of your dreams, I totally understand that. As it so happens, I'm looking for my Prince Charming. But if you are an overweight, unemployed, 55 year old- it really isn't fair to be seeking a svelte, 23 year old finishing her second masters. Also, how you listed out 43 things you want in a woman, including a love of cleaning, blowjobs, long hikes, and culinary mastery.. well, thanks for being so descriptive! But don't be surprised when you get, um, no results. Get real, mister.

4) Expecting Women to Have no Expectations: Saying things like "I'm looking for a hot chick to keep me warm on this chilly Saturday night, no strings attached", just makes me sad. I thought dating sites were instituted to help find a special someone, not a booty call. Isn't that what bars are for? And, anyway, I hate to break it to ya, Mr. Bigshot, while there are some daring lonely ladies out there, this just isn't going to get overwhelming responses from the type of women you are looking for.

If you are really shooting for successfully finding online love, please write a respectful, funny profile. Tell a little about yourself, be genuine. Be funny- women LOVE funny. Post a recent picture of your face, and don't be too pushy. You actually have to make intellectual connection since you can't just base the connection off physical chemistry. Hmm, online dating, what DID our grandparents do without the internet?!

Hopefully this clears up what women find attractive in the online dating world.

How has Dating Gotten so Complicated?

Welcome to my blog about attraction and managing dating in a time where the internet rules. And we decieving cuties can hide behind pictures depicting the 5 years younger, 30 pounds lighter version of ourselves. Or.. worse.. get duped.

Love. love. love.

All we need is love.. or so they say. Right now, I'd be happy with a date that doesn't show up trailing a mile of baggage.