Functional Relationships: Cheating

Cheating. A very obvious sign of a dysfunctional relationship. There are two kinds of cheating: Physical cheating and emotional cheating. For clarification purposes, I will give some examples.

Physical cheating- making embarrassingly bad choices while under the influence of two-inch thick beer goggles and "accidentally" ending up with your penis in a foreign vagina.

Emotional cheating- having a special 'friend' that you are emotionally involved with even if no physical barriers have been broken, this includes, but is not limited to, attractive work spouses, the chick you text more than your girlfriend, or any person that you pursue in a dating- yet non-booty call sort of manner, who conveniently knows nothing of your significant other.

I do not approve of cheating. I don't even approve of cheating if your partner is a a frigid bitch. You picked her- therefore you consciously took partial responsibility of her emotional well-being... which makes her- your problem. When you have a problem an effective solution is not to brush it under the rug and go chasing some hotter tail. That generally will only lead to your 'problem' getting very angry and turning into a tire slashing/clothes burning/reputation-ruining monster.

That being said, I understand cheating. I especially understand physical cheating. You know, there are a lot of fish in the sea. And a lot of those fish seem to be pretty appealing after a couple of drinks, so I understand where lines get blurry and things just 'happen'. This kind of mindless cheating- the kind that honestly means nothing... well, I think it sucks a whole lot less that getting cheated on emotionally.

Which is funny, because most people think just the opposite. But I would absolutely rather find out that my boyfriend cheated on me when he was blacked one night, than find out that he actually has feelings for another girl. I can always Facebook the slut and make fun of her with my friends when I feel sad. But what exactly are you supposed to do when your boyfriend actually has feelings for another chick? She hasn't really done anything wrong- these things unfortunately just happen. And its not really clear whether he has actually done anything 'wrong', so to speak.

Relationships are tough. They are usually entirely more complicated than what we are comfortable dealing with. But being on the receiving end of cheating has to be one of the most devastating situations one could find themselves in. Your trust is broken, your self-esteem is left suffering and it can make the most confident of us feel very desperate.

There is no 'One size fits all' answer for what you should do after you have been cheated on. And honestly, I think if you find yourself in this situation- the only action you should take.. is no action at all. Don't try to repair your relationship, don't try to reel your partner back in- just take a step back and don't react. (Or go crying to your girlfriends/ mother/ and anyone else unlucky enough to be in renting range). But if your partner comes to YOU and wants to work to repair the relationship or "make things up to you"- then if that's what you want, let them put in the work.

Everyone should be given a chance to fix their mistakes. But in a lot of cases, if someone cheats on you, especially emotionally- they will not care enough about you to actually put in the work to mend the relationship. So if your significant other comes to you with a sincere apology and a willingness to earn back your trust- that says a lot.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Some smart guy said that.

Gandhi.. or something like that.

:)



Anyway, thanks for reading about cheating and how it all plays into functional relationships and attraction and all of that fun stuff.

Dating Application

Has anyone else ever really wished that they could just had out Dating Applications? I think it would make the whole 'Dating Game' a lot simpler.

I'm one hundred percent serious.

These are questions I would ask:

-Do you have any illegitimate children? (This will not disqualify you as a potential mate- though, not knowing your children's name, ages, or when the child support payment is due- is grounds for immediate dismissal.)

-Do you have any Baby Mama Drama? Please Explain.

-Do you have any borderline insane ex-girlfriends that will continue to pop up and cause drama of catastrophic proportions throughout our relationship?

-Are you dragging invisible baggage behind you that is threatening to smother me at my most vulnerable.

-Do you know the difference between there, their, and they're?

-What about Who and Whom? No? That's cool.. neither do I.

-Does your phone automatically stop working as soon as you cross state lines? Does this also tend to happen anytime you are in close proximity to your male 'buddies'?

-Are you allergic to expressing any and all emotion? Is it cool if I have emotions?

-Are you of the special breed of drunk that believes that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen?

-Are you planning on ceasing all grooming efforts towards your appearance the second we are in a relationship? This includes, but is not limited to: gaining copious amounts of weight or body hair, infrequently showering, and refusing to wash garments until they start emitting noxious odors.

-Have you ever been fired for drinking on the job?

-Have you ever been in jail. If so, how many times and for what duration? This unfortunately, on my part, is also not necessarily grounds for disqualification.

-Do you consistently pick fights with bigger/large groups of men?

-Do you have to wake up before 9:00? If so, are you capable of being super-duper-freaking quiet so that I do not wake up and am forced to inflict bodily harm upon you?

-Do you think my friends are cute? Do you still think my friends are cute when they are in large groups and drinking? You are required to like them and be a gentlemen at all times or suffer the consequences. Is that okay?

-Same goes for my family. Hope you don't mind.

-My ears are actually very sensitive and I absolutely cannot listen to music that is not wholly enjoyable for me. Is that a problem?

This is why I am single. Furreal.

Dating: How Men and Women Differ When it Comes to Commitment

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This is obviously an exaggeration- but how much of a stretch is it really?

When it comes to commitment, men and women are worlds apart. Totally different. Which is frustrating and oh-so freaking annoying- which is why I'll help clear it up for you.

When it comes to making a commitment in a relationship, what matters for women is WHO they are committing to. A woman can be working her way up the corporate ladder, moving cities, and dealing with family problems all at the same time- but if the right man comes into her life, she will be willing to make time for a committed relationship with him. That is just how women are. Which is awesome- we know how important love and relationships are to our well-being and happiness.

But for men- they have to be ready and at the right point in their lives to make a commitment to a relationship. They are all about WHEN. Even if a man meets Ms. Wonderful- the most beautiful, exciting woman he has ever met- if he is in a bad place in his career, having family or personal issues, you can bet your bottom dollar he won't be making any sort of big commitments to her. Which is awesome in it's own right too- because this generally ensures that a man will be in a good place personally before he really brings another person into his world.

It seems, though, that almost every woman has been in a relationship with a man she is just crazy about- and can not understand for the life of her, why he will not make the kind of commitment she is looking for... whether that be moving in together, marriage, or simply monogamy. Or worse, you get out of a relationship with Mr. Commitment-Phobe.. and then a year later, he gets engaged. WTF.

But it's all about timing baby- it ain't you. What you really need to figure out is if Mr. Right REALLY is the right one for you... and how long you are willing to wait to find out.

Thanks for reading, Good luck and Happy Dating! :)

Dating Dillemmas: What Kills Attraction

Dating is complicated.. Duh, but there are some things that kill attraction faster than you can say "Don't leave me..." Just kidding, Don't ever say that. Since I so kindly picked on men and their irresistible self-advertising skills last time, I will now to shed some light on the equally charming things that women do to squeeze the attraction right out of a relationship.

Let me start by saying that attraction is a funny thing- it's really the key to a blissful romantic relationship, without it- ya just got yourself a buddy (or worst case scenario- a frenemy). You can't fake it, and you can't truly control it- but you certainly can kill it. And we women are terrific at doing so and then wondering (i.e complaining to everyone within earshot) how it occurred. The main three things that we do to drive our boyfriends or husbands to crazy-town are smothering them, complaining, and just being a bitch. Sorry- tough love.

Let's start with smothering. I'm not talking about the girl that meets a guy then follows him bar to bar calling his cell phone to check up on him, all the while making sure their love fern hasn't died. These special gals give the rest of us a bad name- if this is you, I can't help you, you need help beyond my expertise. What I am referring to are the girls that chase after the man they want. Traditionally, the man courted the woman- won her, if you will. It was done this way because men love the thrill of the chase, and for the most part women love to be chased. In most successful relationships the man not only chases after the women in the beginning, but also throughout the whole relationship. Really ladies, how many women do you know who called their husbands first or asked him out? None? Oh surprising.. not.

While it's fine to drop hints that you're into him, don't ask him out. Don't call him first- actually don't call him much at all, let him call you. Don't play hard to get-just don't pursue him. And even when you are in a monogamous relationship, still let him primarily do most of the pursuing. That means don't text him every three minutes when he's out with the guys- give him space. And as much space as he wants- you're a busy girl, I'm sure you don't NEED a man to fill your schedule. If you aren't spending as much time together as you would like, don't try to guilt or force him to spend more time with you. Accept that he spends his time as he pleases- if it is not pleasing to you- then leave. There will be a man that is on the same page as you- of course missy, you're fabulous. Keep in mind, that if you guilted your man into spending more time with you, he will see that as smothering, desperate, and unattractive. And you are anything but desperate- as if, right?



Now let's set the complainers straight. If you are just so frustrated you have to vent before you set out on a homocidal rampage, then call your mom, complain to your girlfriends, write an angry letter, do anything except complain to your man. Do you remember how Charlie Brown's parents sounded when they spoke- to your boyfriend, you sound just like that. Expect high pitched.. it hurts his head, so just stop. Women love to complain- about almost everything. We don't even mean it in a bad way, it's just a way we communicate- but it's like a language that only other women understand, so leave the poor dude out.

Ladies, ESPECIALLY do not complain about your man- to your man. This is not effective. This turns you from a sexy siren he can't wait to hop into bed with into the wicked witch of the west, warts and all. If your boyfriend drops the ball on your birthday; loudly complaining about every little thing he does thereafter until he finally figures out the issue and makes it up to you, is not efficient communicating. Yet we do it all the time. If your boyfriend does something to anger/dissapoint you, then tell him point blank what he did and how it made you feel. Then cool off and let him process that information in his own way. If you really NEED an apology or for him to make it up to you and he does not deliver on his own, then you need to reconsider the relationship.. not nag until you drive him insane. So stop complaining that he made a mess, his shirt is wrinkly, you don't like his driving/mother/taste in music. Unless you are teasing him in a cute way.. then it just isn't cute or attractive. To anyone really.


Finally, being a bitch... why we girls need to put away our claws. Think about the kind of man you are attracted to: kind, sweet, generous. Now think about how you appear when you gossip about a friend, or yell at a waiter, or turn on the road rage. Kind, sweet, and generous are not exactly coming to mind are they?

In the early stages of a relationship, we are all on our best behavior. And then we ease into the comfort zone, and all of a sudden a man has a raging bi-otch on his hands. And of course he feels duped- how did that sweet angel turn into a diva from the Jersey Shore? It's not sexy to witness your sigificant other behave any way other than the kind person that you know they are deep down. Yes, everyone has their moments- that's why they are called 'moments'.. because they should be few and far between. No one wants to date a bitch, talk about a mojo annhiliator.

So what did we learn? Don't be such a bia, stop the complaining, and no love ferns. Oh, I meant smothering. So let's stop sucking the attraction from our dates, shall we?